Ian’s goofy prep school image is anything but honest. Trained to lie by Dallas Jesuits, he understands how important visual misdirection can be, especially when your product is carefully studied blackface bullshit. To his dubious credit, his Mid-Southern African-American imitation is alarmingly accurate stuff. Every inflection, every breathy pause, every slurred line comes courtesy of his idols, all of his fire stolen from older gods. It’s a poor counterfeit.
This little hobbit has been preparing to inhabit this role for a long time now, working his way up through remixes & production work and amassing the connections necessary for his current publicity tour. On the marketing front, the snow ape Gucci Mane has proven himself every bit as diligent & motivated.
The obligatory Lyrical Lemonade video with a celebrity cameo, the viral & very fake media stunt of “shutting down New York streets” for his pissant pop-up concert, the dozens of bought co-signs and placements, all of it leading up to the magic moment where he gets “signed” to the same label that was financing this whole song & dance all along. That’s just how the business works in 2024.
The money behind all this is Colombia/Sony, but that money is flowing through Akon’s brother Abou Thiam, a man who understands the profitable power of controversy better than most. He came up under L.A. Reid, made VP at Def Jam before he turned 30, and managed a bevy of breakout stars. Perhaps most notably, he helped shepherd Kanye West from Confederate chic to flat-out Hugo Boss Nazi. It’s impossible to miss the fearful symmetry here. His latest protege is an ostentatiously saltine cracker doing trap karaoke. There are no coincidences in the culture business.
This is another manufactured controversy waiting to happen, and it will. None of us will be able to escape the noise. When this spark catches fire, the same tired “national conversation about race” horseshit will get workshopped through The Discourse™ for the rest of the year, one podcast at a time. It’s an ugly, cynical blueprint, but it also works. He’ll do an earnest, heavily coached apology media tour, then drop a new single with a Kendrick feature to promote his next album. Game over.
All in all, this diminutive rat bastard is a Kevin Spacey grade psychopath, and when he inevitably transitions into politics, the White House will only be a matter of time. Nobody has the courage to stop him, and that’s what makes America great. Even a rich kid industry plant like Asher Roth was dignified by comparison to this sad spectacle. Zero Dickies.
